I’m in a season of healing right now. It’s been tough, but has thankfully opened my eyes quite a bit. It’s revealed things recently in regard to people who I might have hurt because of my selfishness, and poor decisions I have made in the midst of confusion and chaos. I have always struggled with inadequacy and loving myself. I easily focus on the negatives when I look in the mirror, but end up putting that mask of “happiness” on pretending that I have it all together, and that “I’ve never been better”. I tend to beat myself up a lot; feelings of guilt and shame flood over me, which cause me to fall into the pit of despair, depression, and darkness. On my last 30 minute stretch in from Houston last night I turned off my radio and began to pray out loud (something I haven’t done in a long time), which turned into a weeping session of pouring my heart and soul out to Jesus. He sweetly kept reminding me of this: He is more. He is more than my fear, more than my failure, more than my faults, more than my insecurity, more than my future plans, and He is so much more than anything that this world has to offer. He gently reminded me that I am enough, and that He will never leave or forsake me. Even when I am a wretched sinner, even when I do lean on my own understanding instead of His. I am just super thankful, and so overwhelmed knowing that He does in fact have my best interests at heart. So, Im pressing in and pressing on. He is sufficient. His power is always made perfect in our weakness. Which reminds me that I am more. I am more because of His amazing grace, and that is something that gives me such genuine joy, not just a fake mask I have to put on. Knowing that He is still fighting for me, and still on my side regardless of my past blows my mind more and more every time. So, if you’re feeling down today, or just need a reminder, I hope this somehow encourages you in some way. It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to stay there. There is hope for everyone. His name is Jesus, and He says that you are more.
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down in to God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:16-20